My life is a fucking joke.

CAN I TELL YOU WHY, TUMBLR?

I’ll tell you why. 

A couple of days ago when I was leaving my house to run to the park near my house, this guy, who was walking past my house stopped and started a conversation with me. He was going on about how he just moved in two doors down and that he moved here to be ahead of A&R at Def Jam Records. I was like DAMN, THIS GUY IS PRETTY COOL AND NOT WEIRD AT ALL. So I gave him my number so we could hang out later that day. 

First mistake. 

When we finished talking, I started running & he indicated that he was about to walk into his house however, just before I turned the corner, I looked behind me and saw him following me. 

He was fucking following me. 

I was all like o hale naw motherfucker. I fucking legged it so I could get way ahead of him and even changed my running route because the naive dumbass I am, believed him when he asked where I ran to because he wanted to “work out again”.  Anyways, I went around a couple of blocks so I could run a full circle before returning to my house. In spite of that, when I was about to turn onto my street I saw the dipshit waiting for me on the corner. THIS IS FUCKING JOKES, I thought. Luckily I got back to my house without him seeing me but this guy actually made me feel uncomfortable, especially since he knows where I live. 

 Oh and the reason why I bring this up now is because just an hour ago, he started banging on my front door about 20 times and rang the doorbell continuously. My roommates had to go down there and tell him to leave while he kept asking where I was. 

So kids, don’t give creepy men your number when they seem like really nice and friendly neighbors because THEY’RE PROBABLY NOT. Listen to Auntie Keira. Don’t talk to strangers or eat their candy or tell them where you’re about to go for a run, etc. etc. 

At least there was a new Parks & Recreation episode tonight.